update

work is going well. besides the fact that i work in the same hotel as 7 of my friends (we all have different positions there), i have gotten really cool with all of the guys that i work with; the girls not so much, but that's to be expected seeing as i am not a "bar chick" & they all seem to be. unfortunately, rooftop lounges are not all that popular once the fall/winter season comes along, but at least i can make enough money to hang out & pay off my bills & school debt.




i followed through with my haircut as well. actually, it wasnt what i originally planned. to be perfectly honest, i just wasnt brave enough to shave my head just yet, but my hair is still a lot shorter than it has ever been in my entire life. when my stylist, amanda, was washing my hair before the big cut, she asked why i was so determined on making such a drastic change & i told her, "i want to get rid of all the negative energy that is trapped in my hair." she laughed & rosanna & i were surprised that she had never heard anyone say that before, but its something i meant to be taken seriously. i really feel like this haircut has been a catalyst for me, i feel like the weight of so many insecurities & fears have been cut away from my spirit & i feel freer & more optimistic than i have in a long, long time.


before & after


the best part is that i was still able to cut enough off the length to donate to locks of love:





hopefully for my next update i will be able to write less about the actual physical, literal changes that have occurred in my life & delve deeper into the changes i have been feeling in regards to my mental attitude & emotional state. my friend has been telling me some very intriguing things dealing with numerology that have really blown my mind & basically changed my whole perspective on life in general... but i will save that for next time.

"was looking for a job and then I found a job and heaven knows im miserable now"

i havent even started & i am already dreading going to work.

my good friend stephanie got me an interview to waitress at the ravel hotel rooftop lounge, & i got the job.

i am grateful for the opportunity, considering ive been unemployed for a year & a half, but im just scared i don't quite have the personality for a job where i have to be pretty, smile, & flirt to make good money. i might seem outgoing, crazy, & loud when i am around my friends, but that is only because they are the people i am most comfortable with. around strangers that will judge me based solely on my looks, it is a different story. i become painfully shy, to the point where i lose all wit & personality & have to struggle to force out audible conversation. seriously, i get so shy that i end up speaking in whispers without even noticing... sigh. i wish i was more confident!

today i will go in for training & i will try not to feel insecure & out of place.
today i will think positive & do what i have to do to make the money that i need.
today i will think of how happy i will be when i can pay off my debt to la guardia & be able to go back to school.
today will be a good day because i shall make it so!