"was looking for a job and then I found a job and heaven knows im miserable now"

i havent even started & i am already dreading going to work.

my good friend stephanie got me an interview to waitress at the ravel hotel rooftop lounge, & i got the job.

i am grateful for the opportunity, considering ive been unemployed for a year & a half, but im just scared i don't quite have the personality for a job where i have to be pretty, smile, & flirt to make good money. i might seem outgoing, crazy, & loud when i am around my friends, but that is only because they are the people i am most comfortable with. around strangers that will judge me based solely on my looks, it is a different story. i become painfully shy, to the point where i lose all wit & personality & have to struggle to force out audible conversation. seriously, i get so shy that i end up speaking in whispers without even noticing... sigh. i wish i was more confident!

today i will go in for training & i will try not to feel insecure & out of place.
today i will think positive & do what i have to do to make the money that i need.
today i will think of how happy i will be when i can pay off my debt to la guardia & be able to go back to school.
today will be a good day because i shall make it so!