unfinished, incomplete & unworthy

currently restless & this sort of just... came out.

This life can be a rat race
& I've lost almost all my bets.
Sometimes i just cant face it
& I spend all day in bed,
thinking this life is full of strife
& how I just wish it would end,
that's when I think about my friend
& when I first heard the words "he's dead."
My brother had so much to give
but he just couldn't stay ahead
of his emotions,
his depression,
& the ghosts of past mistakes
incessant wailing in his head.
It must have been unbearable,
so my sun chose to quit instead.
His heart could not endure the pain
that some mindlessly shed,
his mind could not see relief ahead
in anything but death.
They say only the good die young
but words are just a waste of breath,
attempting validation
for a loss that makes no sense.
It's no beautiful tragedy,
no "better place" pretense,
there's no filling the vacuum in space
created when he left
except with this sinking feeling permanence,
spreading out tangible emptiness.
I know this abandonment is permanent.
Though I pray you found the peace you sought,
all I have left to hold is grief,
memories that time has worn & faded,
& wishes for your safe release
into love that lasts forever,
a love reserved for the deceased.

maybe one day i'll come back to finish this...