personal satisfaction

i want to write a lot more often than i actually sit down to do it. i guess i always doubt that i have something interesting to write about. i've never attempted the short story & frankly i dont think i could even do it. writing to me is more cathartic than anything, i write to get things off my chest & usually it turns into ambiguous rants about my life. i used to write poetry, if you could even call it that. i always felt extremely uncomfortable sharing it with anyone other than rosanna. my thoughts seemed to revealing to risk sharing with anyone other than my best friend. that was a long time ago, i cant even remember the last time i tried to work on a poem or some sort of prose. my life was way more dramatic back then, or at least it seemed that way when i was 18. i remember when my friend vera & i would sit on aim & write together, lyrics for our fantasy band, that is how i started writing things for myself. looking back, it was all very cliche.

two nights ago, i wrote my ex a long myspace message telling him the whole truth about how i've felt since our breakup & our attempts to remain friends. i dont think i have ever regretted clicking the "send" button so much in my entire life. i meant everything that i wrote, but i realized that writing it out was all i needed to make myself feel at ease with the situation. as it turns out, through some sort of myspace miracle, the message was never sent out into the inter-verse. i think it was life's way of telling me that i dont always have to affect someone else with my emotions for them to be validated.